TabarNews Magazine - A satirical magazine

If you take it seriously .. you are not well

A “Dream Team” to face the second wave

The latest FIS barometer shows the team chosen by the Spanish to combat the second wave         
30/06/2020 2621
The "Dream Team" against sprouts according to the latest FIS study
The information was released this week in the latest study published by FIS (Sociopathic Research Officer) chaired by Fénix Tejanos. In this study, carried out entirely by telepathic means (with the consequent savings in the telephone bill) it's revealed which team the Spaniards would trust after managing this first wave of COVID-19, which now seems to be referring as "she-COVID-19". It'll be a Irene Montero's thing ..
This is the winning team according to the study:
  • Iker Jiménez (Discloser) for Head of Research. It may seem that this man cares only about UFOs and the afterlife, but he also dominates "this" life. Proof of this is that he was right in everything that was going to happen, in the measures to be taken and in the consequences it could have. Secure bet.
  • Pablo Motos (Showman) for Public Relations. Let's confess: No one is going to beat the great influencer Fernando Simón in communication, but Motos arouses equal adoration and criticism. He's another of those communicators who already warned us that the wolf was coming, and in the midst of a health crisis he taught us to achieve physical and mental peace while confined. Ah! And if they phone you saying "¿Sabe usted qué es lo que quiero?" ... surely a friend is playing a joke on you.
  • Amancio Ortega (Owner of Inditex) for Coordination and transportation. It would be the only one that repeats, because although many don't know it, this businessman has not only spent enough money to level the state budgets, but he has also bought material and financed the planes to transport it, leaving the Spanish government to hang up on medals. If that's not patriotism, God will tell. Ah! Iglesias and Monedero don't speak about this.
  • Juan Roig (Owner of Mercadona) for Moral and Supplies. When the Spaniards stabbed each other over a roll of toilet paper before the stupor of the whole world, the owner of Mercadona told everyone to be calm, that there would never be a shortage. Not only did he calm people down, but he kept his word and did not take advantage of the situation by raising prices as much as others.
The word of the week: INDEPANDEMICS
When the Government of Spain announced that its Leit Motiv for the pandemic was "United we'll stop this virus" the pro-independence leaders tore their clothes out of rage. There were two main reasons: First, the use of the word "United", which is apparently prohibited in its ideology. Then, that the words "This virus" were in YELLOW. It's already known how sensitive nationalism is to colors because, without going any further, Torra stopped the opening of field hospitals that the Spanish Army had set up in record time in Sabadell and Sant Andreu de la Barca (at the request of their mayors) because they were GREEN. After dismantling these FREE hospitals, the nationalist leaders replaced them with a opaque contract to build other surprisingly expensive but much more beautifully colored field hospitals that obviously were not executed on time. For all this, we can speak of victims of INDEPANDEMIA. And if anyone has doubts, ask people in Perpignan whether or not they want Puigdemont and Torra to mount another coven for them.
Revolutionary treatment against insomnia based on appearances by Pedro Sánchez
According to the latest study published by the Los Angeles de San Rafaél University, the constant and uninterrupted listening of the tapes with the monologues that Pedro Sánchez has delivered every Saturday during the state of alarm are an effective remedy against insomnia. In just twenty-seven hours the listener feels a feeling of abstraction that gives way to a complete dream. Of course, you have to be aware of some side effects such as migraines, dizziness, suicidal tendencies or even the curious need to go outside and hit a saucepan.
Hospitalized the sign translator of La Moncloa by exhaustion
The official Inés Tresada has been hospitalized this Tuesday with severe exhaustion after one hundred and seventy hours of simultaneous translation of signs. In the words of the translator, "I didn't even know what I was translating, I swear to you that I no longer feel anything from armpits down". Evidently she has said it in words, that her arms aren't in any shape for clapping.
His smartphone no longer recognizes his fingerprints because they has been erased because of so much clapping at 20:00
A neighbor of Malaga, Gaspal Mero, has confessed to his friends that he's now unable to unlock his iPhone since he now lacks fingerprints. The affected person attributes the surprising fact that he hasn't failed to applaud from his balcony every day, with excessive enthusiasm, although as he is also a professional clapper of a Rociero choir, it's possible that there were already previous complications that could affect his surprising mutation.


TabarNews: Related news