The Generalitat will suspend its mockery about Madrid for 15 days because the pandemic is out of control

 In an extraordinary session of Parliament held this Sunday, a large majority approved the suspension of jokes and taunts about "how bad they are in Madrid" for fifteen days. Asked about it, the acting president of the Generalitat, Pere Aragonés, has declared that "a lot hee hee, ha ha, but the bull has caught us again." Faced with this statement, Alba Vergés, the head of health, replied "you can't say that, Pere. We can't use bullfighting similes." Shortly after, the acting president and the health minister have publicly presented a series of mandatory regulations to deal with the alarming escalation of cases that is being experienced in Catalonia. We reproduce the main points below:

* Don't use bullfighting similes in court appearances.

* Don't grant interviews in Spanish.

* Don't give contagion figures that may exceed those given by the community of Madrid.

* If the community of Madrid takes a measure similar to one of the Generalitat, say that it has been copied.

* If the community of Madrid takes a different measure from the Generalitat and it works for them, implement it and say that we had taken it before.

* Don't accept trackers from the evil Spanish colonist occupation army.

* Don't allow the location of field hospitals that bear the logo of the Spanish army or that are of a suspicious green color.

The Generalitat foresees that with this package of measures contagions will be reduced rapidly and they will be "much better than Madrid" again.

The government raises the VAT on bacon and colored butter

 The Treasury plans to enter four hundred million euros with the increase in VAT from 10% to 21% on sugary drinks, but that's not enough to stop the drain that the countless ERTES or Minimum Vital Income represents for the state coffers (in those cases in which they're actually being paid). To solve this, the government presented a plan on Monday that uses the same arguments (discouraging the consumption of unbalanced foods) to reinstate the highest VAT rate, which will be 57%. This type of VAT will be applied to products such as bacon or butter, which will be considered luxury items.

Although there have been several protests by consumer defense organizations, the president of the government Pedro Sánchez has tried to refute their arguments: "Above that we are looking for your health ... Come on! They are perfectly expendable items, without which you can live Another thing would be if we would have crunched taxes on tap water ... "At this moment, Vice President Pablo Iglesias nudged his government partner and said:" Pedro, leave it there. " Sánchez has ended the interview claiming that he had to take the Falcon flight to Macedonia.

They confine a cloistered convent and the sisters do not realize

 An army unit has gone to the Convent of the real barefoot in Valladolid, where 100% of nuns with high fever have been detected. To the surprise of the agents, the sisters were unaware that this year there had been any pandemic since they have been closed since 2018. A doctor who has examined the sisters has confirmed that, despite everything, none of them have symptoms of COVID-19. "It was difficult for me to find out the reason for the high fever because the bloody women have also taken a vow of silence, but I would dare to say that what they have is a mild flu, perfectly synchronized. The reason may be the drop in temperatures, since despite the protection of their habits, all of them go, as the name of their congregation indicates, barefoot".

This year the day of the dead will be themed and will last a week

 The different parliamentary groups have agreed on a calendar for the celebrations of All Saints and All Souls' Day, which take place on November 1 and 2. The number and diversity of deaths this year, as well as the need to adapt to new sensitivities, has led to the development of a one-week holiday calendar in which each day will be dedicated to a different type of deceased. This will be the planning.

* Sunday: People killed by the pandemic.

* Monday: People who died unofficially from the pandemic.

* Tuesday: Deceased people with a gender perspective.

* Wednesday: Deaths from causes other than the pandemic.

* Thursday: Paella.

* Friday: Businesses killed by the management of the pandemic.

* Saturday: Halloween: Trick or Treat

Ultra-denialist says that the coronavirus doesn't exist, that the earth is flat, that the Nazi holocaust didn't occur, that man never reached the moon and that Catalonia doesn't belong to Spain but is a millenary nation

 In an exclusive interview with Tabarnia Radio, the well-known denier Agustín Crédulo has revealed a series of secrets that reveal that there is a Deep State that controls us all and does not want the truth to be known. These are the revelations that he has brought to light:

* The COVID pandemic is actually a Judeo-Masonic conspiracy aimed at preventing Chenoa from celebrating her wedding.

* The Earth is not spherical but flat, and therefore in all the flights that go beyond China to the United States, the passengers are put to sleep and the whole trip backwards flying over Russia and Europe is undone and then they land in the US "as if they were coming from the west" because the planes really have to turn around to avoid hitting a wall. To hide the fact that passengers have lost a whole day, governments have deceived them and blame it on the time change.

* The Nazi Holocaust was an invention of Steven Spielberg to sell tickets and make the Germans look bad.

* Man never reached the moon. The Apollo XI images were filmed at night in Lanzarote.

* Catalonia is not an autonomous community of Spain, but a millenary nation that dominated a world in which only Pompeu Fabra's Catalan was spoken long before Pompeu Fabra was born.

The Gomero whistle is at risk because it's very difficult to whistle with a mask

The federation of Canarian whistlers presented this week a report warning of the risk of the disappearance of Silbo Gomero. This ancestral form of tonal communication that allows canaries to communicate up to five kilometers away is being threatened by health measures against the pandemic. In the words of the association's spokesman, Jose Luis Silva Fuerte, "any attempt to whistle using surgical masks sounds like pfrtttt !, the communication distance drops from five kilometers to three feet and you don't understand damn shit". He admits that promising results have been achieved using valve masks, but they still present a lot of problems, because the valves open to let air out and close to keep the virus out, so "you can whistle as loud as you can, but then you need to catch your breath and you drown. "

For now, no solution has been found to this problem, which leads to fear that this form of communication inherited from the Guanche tradition, which also allows pathogens to be transmitted more than five hundred meters away, may disappear.