TabarNews Magazine - Una revista satírica

Si te la tomas en serio.. es que estás muy mal

The Spanish government will extend the expiration of sun creams for three months

Pedro Sánchez justifies this measure for the sun protection not enjoyed during the confinement         
31/07/2020 2447
La Rioja conclusions: The Spanish government will extend the expiration of sun creams for three months
It has undoubtedly been the measure that has caused the greatest stir at the first conference of regional presidents held in San Millán de la Cogolla (La Rioja). According to the Pedro Sánchez executive, the expiration of sun creams (which until now was ten months so that users couldn't take advantage of the rest from one year to the next) will automatically extend to thirteen months, which will allow the surplus to be used this summer from last year, including the remains of the inner edge of the plug. The executive estimates that this bill will favorably affect family savings and the best tan that the unemployed will be able to wear this September, and it justifies it by alleging the concept of "sun protection not enjoyed" during the mandatory confinement this spring. The move was not without controversy as there was an attempt at a boycott of the conference by some Coppertone activists who called for a plan for early retirement due to the foreseeable layoffs.
Otherwise the day has proven to be much more fruitful than many anticipated. The Minister of Health, Salvador Illa, has explained in detail the economic relief plans with European funds, which has left all the regional presidents very satisfied except Quim Torra, who, as he hasn't come, have heard anything of it. The Catalan president has taken advantage of the day to attend a mass in Solsona for the "procés" prisoners, although he has refused to enter the church with the rest of the parishioners and has demanded that God meet with him respecting strict bilaterality. Despite his absence, the Catalan president has been decisive in the meeting of presidents of La Rioja, since without his usual interruptions and inconveniences the approach to the issues raised has been much more fluid and efficient, as many attendees have openly acknowledged.
France recommends the Catalans not to go to Perpignan
After the veto of countries such as Germany and France that their citizens tread on Catalonia, the French president Emmanuel Macron has surprised his own and strangers in some statements made in the town of Tarbes (France) allowing himself to advise citizens of the Catalan community not to set foot in the nearby town of Perpignan, in the French southeast. The president has clarified that in no case is it a prohibition, but that after the invasion of the town by nationalism last February (and the consequent escalation of infections) if any Catalan wants to visit the town, it's better to abstain or else to pose as a Valencian. The news has outraged Quim Torra, who happened to be in Tarbes fulfilling his duties as ambassador of the ratafía in France, and who has modified his schedule to go see Macron in person. The regional president has ugly the French president to "go too far" in his duties and Macron has commented to his bodyguards that who is this short man who is sulking so much.
It has infected himself by an "ALIEN" to get a "cool" personalized mask
A Gibraltarian neighbor, Elmer Ripley, has spent two months incubating an ALIEN egg until it hatched and generated a parasite that has clung to his face. The parasite prevents him from seeing where he is going, so Elmer doesn't stop hitting himself with everything, but despite this, the Gibraltarian considers that it's worth it. Since he can't speak, he has written a note to us in which he explains that it's not as bad as it seems. "It's true that I'll end up giving birth to a xenomorphic being through my chest, but in the meantime I'm the sensation of the neighborhood. The parasite cushions the blows, provides oxygen to my blood and I don't even need to eat. The negative is that I have never been very kisser, and from there to how this one grabs me, it's a shock".
No one wants to occupy their home because it doesn't have a pool or 300 gigabyte fiber
Marbella's Manuel Reyes has exclusively declared to Layetania Today that he can't get anyone to occupy his house. All his friends have seen their residences occupied and are constantly talking about it, so Manuel, since he doesn't like soccer and doesn't understand politics, has no topic of conversation. The man from Malaga has even tried to advertise in the local press, but the competition is great. "I can't offer what my neighbors do", he says. "I don't have a swimming pool and the fiber has not yet reached my neighborhood, and the profile of the Marbella occupier is of high standing and it's not satisfied with anything". He has also confessed that his home "overlooks the mountains", and has taken advantage to denounce the problems of Marbella homes without sea views. "It's a problem that is often silenced, but there are many of us who suffer from this drama. Real estate agents dazzle us with fabulous views of the sea, and then we find that the cheapest apartments are those that look the other way. Why should there be two sides? In Marbella all buildings should be one-sided and facing the sea!".
A man from Guadalajara continues to think that this crisis is the same as that of 2008 although his neighbors tell him no, that it's due to a pandemic
If the 2020 health-economic crisis has had a good thing, it has been that many realized that the one from 2008 had already ended and that in reality they were no longer living so badly and it was not necessary to complain as much. That hasn't been the case of Julen Tillo, from La Paz, who until yesterday was still convinced that this March was "a setback in the recovery" and that perhaps the green shoots that Zapatero once reported were no more than a story. The patience of the neighbors has finally made Julen accept that the crisis ceased to be such around 2016 and that during these four years we were not so screwed, and that if he considers that he continues to live worse than in 2008 that will be true, but that's not because the crisis hasn't ended, but that when a crisis ends a few come out better than they entered but the majority come out much more screwed, and that as it does not get around we'll see how he comes out of the current crisis, which then comes another, and so on.

TabarNews: Noticias relacionadas